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Notes from a Crusty Seeker

DIY Dentistry and Paper Conservation

I have always been fond of my teeth. I say this not with vanity but with gratitude to my maternal grandfather who, I was told, was responsible for them. I say this because according to two clowns called the GratiDudes, as well as many studies that I wrote about when I was employed for a magazine (which I will not mention because I’m feeling grumpy today about being laid off) (all right, it’s Spirituality & Health) — according to these sources, being grateful is the antidote for grumpiness, of which I’m feeling. Did I say that already?

Because I am grateful and fond of my teeth, I had scheduled a six-month cleaning with my dentist yesterday, which due to my unemployment, I canceled. Which brings me to the subject of microfiber.

Prior to my unemployment, I’d sworn off paper towels for ecological reasons, but now it seems like a good thing to do for my finances as well. So a couple of weeks ago when I used the last paper towel on my roll, I officially switched all my cleaning and wiping and drying needs to the lifetime supply of microfiber cloths I’d purchased from the home shopping channel during a night of insomnia. Feeling the scuzziness on my teeth and missing my friendly dental hygienist, Mindy, I suddenly had an inspiration: Why not try microfibering my teeth?

Sitting in front a magnifying mirror, I laid out my little dental tool (really it’s a sculpting tool, but my previous hygienist broke the dental tool code of secrecy and told me it was pretty much the same as what she used) and a roll of floss. I carefully cleaned away the crud on the faces of my teeth, popped the stuff out from the cracks with floss, and I was ready for the microfiber finish.

What pleasure there is in a free dental cleaning! My grandfather’s teeth were smooth to the tongue and gunkless. And when I was done, all I had to do was rinse the cloth. (And before some dentist emails that I probably damaged my enamel, I just want to say: Stop! Don’t write! I don’t want to hear it! I’m far too grumpy.)

I’m grumpy now because, after cleaning my teeth, I downloaded the new MSN Internet Explorer 7 which erased my pretty desktop icons and replaced them all with explorer “e”s, which took several phone conversations to techs in India (one of them got cut off when she told me to reboot, and I forgot I was talking to her through my computer’s magicJack — see earlier post, and note to self and others: don’t use magicJack if you need to turn off your computer in the middle of the conversation), then it took the rest of the afternoon to restore my settings. Maybe MSN should microfiber their software before they unleash it on the unsuspecting public!

P.S. A good source for microfiber, although they’re all out of the face cloths I used on my teeth, is BlueWonder.net. But you might want to check with your dentist about your enamel unless you’re feeling too grumpy to hear bad news.

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